"Afternoon" tea at Harrods

Feb 22^nd was the fifth anniversary of our second wedding (yes, Anita and I have got married twice – five months apart – long story; for some other time). We had planned to go away for the weekend but come 22^nd Feb we felt that we should do something together. I had a quiz scheduled for 8.30 so I suggested we meet somewhere for coffee post work. Anita suggested “why not go to the coffee shop at Harrods?” I had heard good things about the Harrod’s café and so it was a date for around 6.30 pm.

I reached Harrods at around 6.20 and walked in. A security guard accosted me and said “your bag, sir”. I took it off my shoulder and offered it to him but no, he had no desire to see the bag or inspect its innards. He just wanted to make sure that I did not carry it on my back but wanted me to hold it in my hand by its top and move around as if I was clasping a briefcase. I am not sure how that made it safer in any way but his wish was my command.

I moved over to one of the ladies at the ubiquitous perfume counters and asked her where the coffee shop was. She asked me to go straight past two sections, turn left and go past one section. When I reached there, I realized I had been guilty of less than clear communication. I had reached the aisle where coffee beans were being sold! And they were selling all varieties of beans there - Brazilian, Indian, Sumatran – you name it. There was also a sushi area there as well as meat in other corners of the room but people were not allowed to eat or drink anything there- probably just as well.

Just then I got a text from Anita saying that she was at the Harrod’s café on the second floor. I went up and asked one of the floor assistants which way the café was. I was told “round the corner there, sir…but you may find that they won’t entertain you anymore”. Now, I knew that Harrods had a dress code (they have refused entry to people wearing scouts uniforms and people in army dress) but I was coming from office. Admitted that I wasn’t wearing a tie but surely that was carrying things a bit far. Anyway, I went over towards the café but even as I was reaching I got another text from Anita saying that she was at Café Florian on the 3^rd Floor. The plot was thickening!

Anyway, I went over to the third floor – the café wasn’t really a separate enclosed area - it was just cordoned off from the main floor and hence not a separate area. Anita was already seated at practically the first table as one got in and I joined her. I asked her why she didn’t go to the second floor but she told me that the café on the second floor shut at 6 pm. That explained the floor assistant’s comments. I then asked her why she was sitting practically at the entrance. The following conversation ensued

“You don’t get a choice, you sit where they ask you to sit.”

“Still, you could have asked for someplace inside.”

“Those areas are already closed off (aside- to be fair the inside half was completely empty) and in any case aukad dekhke seat dete hai.” (this last said pointing at me)

“What do you mean aukad? What’s wrong with what I am wearing – it’s a Raymond suit!” (this in a slightly bristing manner)

“But what about the evening standard poking out of your coat pocket – that too half read with its pages dog eared and half torn.”

So, I quickly got rid of that behind the seat and sat down.

Now we had to decide what to order – since neither of us was very hungry we decided to have something light. Anita chose the evening tea which came with scones, clotted cream, jam, pastries and finger sandwiches. I went for a hot chocolate while sharing the other stuff.

We realized as we were waiting for the order to be placed that there were two types of music – one playing within the café and one playing out on the shopfloor. Weird but the fusion seemed to work fairly decently.

The whole place looked very grand and it seemed weird to be waiting for sandwiches in a place like that- it’s like going to the Taj Mahal and then ordering pani puri from a local thelawala (well, perhaps some of you have done that but you get the point).

But then the food came and we realized that this wasn’t just any pani puri; it was pani puri with mineral water – nay, indeed Evian water. Everything came in what looked at least like silverware. The knives and forks were silver plated. The pastries and sandwiches came in this double deckered bower (silver). The clotted cream was in a separate bowl and there were three good sized jars of jam -fig, strawberry and black cherries- though I was appalled to realize that the jars were glass and not silver!

Let me at the outset say that the food was excellent – except for one of the pastries everything was brilliant. And the quantity was very considerable for an afternoon tea for one person. No wonder UK is the most obese nation in Europe – if that is what they are going to have for tea everyday there’s no doubt where their waistline is going.

Three jars of jam were never going to be finished by us, so I suggested to Anita that we could ask for it to be packed – after all, we were short of jam at home. If looks could kill!!!!

The scones were very rich and so was the hot chocolate, so I soon needed some water. Anita however was not very impressed with the idea –“when he says ‘still or sparkling’ you can’t say ‘tap’ – not in a place like this.” I didn’t agree with her but when she pointed at the evening standard and mouthed the word aukad once again , to prove a point I said “okay, we will go for still”. To be honest, the chocolate and the scones were so rich, I really needed the water and would have happily paid for it.

We called the waiter over and asked for some water. He said “still, sir?” and then with the most imperceptible of pauses, the type where one knows there is a pause but can’t quite pin point where exactly it occurred, he added “…or would tap water do?”. I nonchalantly nodded and said “Tap water would be fine…but if you could just could get it a bit quickly” as if it was only the speed which I was concerned with- if he could get Evian in a second then that would be the best.

After he left to get the water, I turned back to Anita and was about to say – “see, there‘s a legal requirement to give tap water and Harrods is unlikely to go against the law” but before I could get all that in she went for the kill – “see Sancho, he fully understood your aukad .” I reminded Anita that she was sitting along with me and indeed, it was to her that he had given the seat near the entrance. “Yes, but it was you whom he asked about the tap water.” Touche!

Anyway, the water turned up and by then we had got through most of the food. We asked for the bill and it came along in a while. Not bad at all. It was getting to be time for the quiz so we moved on quickly. As we stepped out of the café onto the shop floor we came to an area of chandeliers which were on sale. I pointed out one to Anita and told her “On sale- only eleven fifty.” With a very surprised look she went closer to look at the chandelier. Then she suddenly turned to me with an irritated look and said “I thought you meant eleven pounds fifty!” Come on, it is Harrods!

So, that was our evening at Harrods – all in all a lovely experience. We probably need to go back before six to visit the Harrod’s café as well.